This past week has been a tough for our family. Katey texted last Saturday from her job to let me know that she was having severe panic attacks at work. My husband and I immediately dropped what we were doing and headed to the mall where she works. She has been doing so well the past few months that I knew it was all a matter of time before things went south. When we got there I could tell by the look on her face that my beautiful little girl wasn’t the one in control at that moment. I gave her an anxiety pill and she was able to finish out her shift.
We stayed around until she got off to check on her mental state. After speaking with her for just a few minutes we could tell that her thoughts were garbled and she couldn’t distinguish what was real. She confessed that the voices have came back and over the past couple of weeks have gotten worse. They are screaming at her right now she stated.
This is a scary thing for anyone to deal with or understand, but when it is your baby it is absolutely terrifying. I feel like my child is falling off the side of a cliff and I can’t pull her up and I’m loosing my grip on her.
Since this was all happening on a weekend and we couldn’t get in touch with her doctor, we decided to go to the emergency room. She was in agreement with this decision. Katey is a very smart girl and wants help. We are very new to the world of mental health issues, but we received quite the education last Saturday night. She was in the hospital and mental health facility after her suicide attempt but not since. They asked all the right questions to get certain answers from her and immediately assumed she was a danger to herself or others. Next thing we knew they had taken away her clothes and put a security officer at the door. After her initial evaluation the conclusion was that she needed a medication adjustment. Tell us something we don’t already know! They would admit her, but they didn’t have any rooms available right now. Could be another 24 hours or so, before any were available in the area. Now lets think about this, she is already in a fragile mental state. They will hold her there for 24 plus hours with NO MEDS until a room opens up. Our other option was to take her home and call her doctor first thing Monday morning. We took her home!
We were able to get in with her doctor Monday and he made some medication adjustments. She had a very stressful beginning of the week, but was able to somewhat function and make it to work. Thursday her car wouldn’t start, so that set her back again. Her stepfather and I immediately went to her rescue.
My daughter and I have a love hate relationship of sorts. Katey is very attached to her mother and depends on me for most things, however the voices hate me. To the point it frightens me at times. The look in her eyes on Thursday, I knew to back off for a few days. It killed me a little inside, but I didn’t call or text all day Friday or Saturday. You have to know my blood pressure went up and I was having panic attacks, but I made it through.
Yesterday (Saturday) my phone rang and it was Katey. I immediately paniced, but she just wanted to chat and it was nice and odd all at the same time. My husband and I went by her apartment today; dropped off some things for her kitten and her weekly medicine. She seemed tired, but much better. I hope she continues to improve!
People ask all the time (especially my mother and mother-in-law) is Katey getting better? I am starting to except that this is our life, there will be good times and bad. I am always in constant fear that this horrible disease will someday take my beautiful baby girl away from me, but I must enjoy the now.
I will continue our journey next week.
My Life and Adventures 